The Past Two Days

It's very dark here. I can't see the mess I have created. It's quiet. I hear cars drive by and stop and car doors open and shut. It makes me happy that other people are together. I listen to hear if it's one car door and hope it's you here to see me. For the past two days I can't even listen to the radio in my car. I feel at peace at work, but I still can't wait for the work day to be over. But my cabin is no longer happy and bright and full of sounds. I don't like coming here. I've thought about sleeping in my car twice now. I've thought about dropping all of my belongings off for donation and skipping town. I've been sleeping a lot, but I'm so exhausted. I was so happy the last few weeks. The time went by too quickly. I wish I could get back to sleep. This is the third time I've gotten up tonight. Maybe I'm not sleeping as much as I think. I miss you. I hope you come back.

Missing You

I don't want to be all alone. It makes me so sad. I wish I knew it was really okay. I wish I could know what you are thinking and feeling. I wish you would let me in completely. I don't want to feel all alone in this. I don't want to have to feel like I have to be numb to the fact that I am deeply in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My heart aches when you are away from me. Please come back to me.

New Soul - Yael Naïm

I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping
I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake

La la la la la la la la...

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping
I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate try to communicate
finding just that love is not always easy to make.

La la la la la la la la...

This is a happy end, 'cause you don't understand
Everything you have done, why's everything so wrong?
This is a happy end, come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping
I could learn a bit about how to give and take
but since I came here felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake

(I'm a new soul) La la la la la la la la...
(In this very strange world) La la la la la la la la...
(Make every possible mistake) La la la la la la la la...

To Be Inspired

I want to be inspired
every single day.
I want to be inspired
to live, do more, love better.
It is one of the best feelings I know.
It makes you excited,
it stimulates you,
it makes you smile.
It gives you enthusiasm,
encouragement,
strength.
It is the purist form of thinking.
It is motivating and positive.
I want to be inspired
every single day.

Cold, Assertiveness and Old Friends

I'm so ready for winter to be over. I need some sunshine and warmth. I'm curled up on my sofa with a blanket and my toes are freezing.

I've been questioning myself lately whether I have enough self-respect. I would do almost anything for anyone but at what cost? I need to find the inner strength that I know I have and be more assertive. I think I would gain more respect from others if I did.

I've been thinking about reconnecting with some old friends. My social life has been pretty non-existent these days and I'm getting to be a regular homebody. That's not bad in itself, but too much of any one thing can be. I am a firm believer in balance.

No One - Alicia Keys

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Content

I came to a very big conclusion today and that is that everything is going to be okay. I kept telling myself this in hopes that I would believe it. I don't know why I had doubts. I always come through. What really made me strongly believe and feel it was something that seemed of very little significance. I was sitting in my living room after a long day at work. Work went well and I was just relaxing and winding down for the day. I was eating waffles for dinner, not anything spectacular. But, I had a strong feeling of contentment. This contentment was a feeling I had longed so much for as a child. I had on several ocassions when I was younger, sat and wondered what my life would be like when I was older. Hoping that it wouldn't be as difficult as I had felt my life was growing up, hoping for something better. I have everything going for me and I like my life and who I am. I am going to be making some big changes soon with the divorce and am anxious to get back on track and moving forward. But I know I have to be patient and it will come in time. This is a good feeling.

2007 Year in Review

Day one of the new year, 2008. Wow, what a year it has been! Crazy, overwhelming, emotional, exciting... crazy!

I had difficulty at work because early in the year I lost my motivation and became very overwhelmed. I have been regaining momentum and hope this new year brings back the excitement. I love my work and I'm very good at what I do. I have almost tripled my salary since I started almost 8 years ago. My anniversary is in 2 days.

I left my husband of 16 years. I had been unhappily married for several years with the last 3 being especially lonely and distant. It was the right thing to do. It was very difficult and emotional. I'm looking forward to filing the paperwork and finalizing the divorce. I'm so glad he didn't try harder to hold on.

I fell in love. He's amazing. My heart is pounding just thinking about him. He's sweet and caring, loving and giving, smart, funny, cute and sexy. He's married and I have never been involved with someone in a relationship before, so it is a bit difficult and emotional at times. I cannot however deny my heart and my feelings. I'm looking forward to every moment with him this year and hope it brings good things for us.

I believe the events of 2007 was in preparation for great things to come in 2008. I can't wait!