The Hardest Thing

I feel like I just stabbed myself in the heart. The pain is so unbearable. I never knew a person could do this to oneself. I have had a lot of heartbreaks in my life but never that were self inflicted. I wanted so much to hold on, I tried to hold on. I have never loved like this before and now I have thrown it away. How the hell could I hold onto a 16 year marriage with someone I wasn't in love with yet throw a way a relationship with someone I am deeply in love with? I don't deserve to love anyone. I don't believe I was meant to be in love. My deepest fear...