"Time In: Think back to a time -- a single experience or a longer period -- when you felt nihilistic, unable to see beyond your current unhappiness. Had you been looking at the situation from the outside, what advice would you have given yourself?" (from the book Happier)
I struggled throughout my pre-teen and teenage years with self-esteem and self-worth. I wondered why I was born, what was the point, nobody wanted me or cared about me. I had contemplated suicide a couple of times, feeling so hopeless. I felt that the people I had confided in had failed me over and over again... teachers, counselors, my church, my neighbors, my friends, my family, everybody. What got me through was that I had come to the conclusion that while they had failed me, I could not fail myself. It was, "I don't need them. I'll show them." And I have maintained that mentality ever since. I have known for sometime, however, that I need to let all of that resentment go.
Just recently, some of these feelings had returned. I was feeling so helpless and hopeless. The changes I have been going through has left me feeling lonely and weak at times. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. While the feelings are similar to what I had felt when I was younger, I was questioning whether I had failed myself this time. I know that sometimes I can be strong and sometimes I need help to be strong. I think deep down I always wanted both... strength in myself and to be loved. I wish I could understand why sometimes I feel I am in this alone, because I know I'm not. I want so bad to heal my heart.
Coincidentally, today's horoscope...
Daily Overview:
Let go of any grudges you've been holding -- move forward, and you'll be happy.
Daily Extended:
If you are feeling stuck in a rut in your life right now, one of the most effective things you can do is let go of any grudges you've been holding -- it will feel like you just attached one hundred helium balloons to your soul. Holding on to memories of how you were wronged isn't going to make things right again. The only way that can possibly happen is if you find some silver lining in that cloud. Move forward, and leave the wrongdoers in your past where they belong.
Things I am grateful for: rainbows, the words "I love you.", being loved, life
I struggled throughout my pre-teen and teenage years with self-esteem and self-worth. I wondered why I was born, what was the point, nobody wanted me or cared about me. I had contemplated suicide a couple of times, feeling so hopeless. I felt that the people I had confided in had failed me over and over again... teachers, counselors, my church, my neighbors, my friends, my family, everybody. What got me through was that I had come to the conclusion that while they had failed me, I could not fail myself. It was, "I don't need them. I'll show them." And I have maintained that mentality ever since. I have known for sometime, however, that I need to let all of that resentment go.
Just recently, some of these feelings had returned. I was feeling so helpless and hopeless. The changes I have been going through has left me feeling lonely and weak at times. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. While the feelings are similar to what I had felt when I was younger, I was questioning whether I had failed myself this time. I know that sometimes I can be strong and sometimes I need help to be strong. I think deep down I always wanted both... strength in myself and to be loved. I wish I could understand why sometimes I feel I am in this alone, because I know I'm not. I want so bad to heal my heart.
Coincidentally, today's horoscope...
Daily Overview:
Let go of any grudges you've been holding -- move forward, and you'll be happy.
Daily Extended:
If you are feeling stuck in a rut in your life right now, one of the most effective things you can do is let go of any grudges you've been holding -- it will feel like you just attached one hundred helium balloons to your soul. Holding on to memories of how you were wronged isn't going to make things right again. The only way that can possibly happen is if you find some silver lining in that cloud. Move forward, and leave the wrongdoers in your past where they belong.
Things I am grateful for: rainbows, the words "I love you.", being loved, life
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