Happiness

"Time In: Think back to a period or two in your life when you enjoyed both present and future benefit." (from the book Happier)

Hands down, the birth of my two children were the happiest days of my life. I had created life and was given a great opportunity to nurture it. It would be an unconditional love that would last a lifetime. Being a mother is not something I take lightly. I would be able to provide the love and care I felt I had not been allowed to know. I love to watch them grow and become unique individuals and I absolutely adore them. ...I just called and talked to my kids and told them I love them.

Another time I felt truly happy and had felt both present and future benefit was when I was 17 when I had emancipated myself. I had been so sheltered and sad and felt so unloved by my family that it was a new freedom, a new chance for me.

I also feel both present and future benefit in my current situation. While it is an emotional time for me where I am both happy at times and sad at times, I will overcome and heal and find peace and happiness.

Things I am grateful for: my children, freedom, life, opportunity

Nihilism

"Time In: Think back to a time -- a single experience or a longer period -- when you felt nihilistic, unable to see beyond your current unhappiness. Had you been looking at the situation from the outside, what advice would you have given yourself?" (from the book Happier)

I struggled throughout my pre-teen and teenage years with self-esteem and self-worth. I wondered why I was born, what was the point, nobody wanted me or cared about me. I had contemplated suicide a couple of times, feeling so hopeless. I felt that the people I had confided in had failed me over and over again... teachers, counselors, my church, my neighbors, my friends, my family, everybody. What got me through was that I had come to the conclusion that while they had failed me, I could not fail myself. It was, "I don't need them. I'll show them." And I have maintained that mentality ever since. I have known for sometime, however, that I need to let all of that resentment go.

Just recently, some of these feelings had returned. I was feeling so helpless and hopeless. The changes I have been going through has left me feeling lonely and weak at times. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. While the feelings are similar to what I had felt when I was younger, I was questioning whether I had failed myself this time. I know that sometimes I can be strong and sometimes I need help to be strong. I think deep down I always wanted both... strength in myself and to be loved. I wish I could understand why sometimes I feel I am in this alone, because I know I'm not. I want so bad to heal my heart.

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Coincidentally, today's horoscope...

Daily Overview:
Let go of any grudges you've been holding -- move forward, and you'll be happy.

Daily Extended:
If you are feeling stuck in a rut in your life right now, one of the most effective things you can do is let go of any grudges you've been holding -- it will feel like you just attached one hundred helium balloons to your soul. Holding on to memories of how you were wronged isn't going to make things right again. The only way that can possibly happen is if you find some silver lining in that cloud. Move forward, and leave the wrongdoers in your past where they belong.

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Things I am grateful for: rainbows, the words "I love you.", being loved, life

Hedonism

"Time In: Think back to a time -- a single experience or a longer period -- when you lived as a hedonist. What were the costs and benefits of living this way?" (from the book Happier)

This one is a bit harder for me to answer because I don't completely understand why someone wouldn't want pleasure with very little pain. I suppose that if one were to sacrifice experiences because they don't give a quick pleasurable payoff then this wouldn't be an ideal way to live life. While I would rather have good, pleasurable experiences I understand the benefits of painful experiences and what can be learned from them. Probably earlier in my young adulthood I would say I lived a more hedonistic life style than I do now. After emancipating myself when I was 17, I found that my freedom allowed me to do whatever I wanted and to have fun. I was partying with my friends every chance I got and slept with many men against my better judgement. I was getting pleasure out of being accepted by the people I partied with. The cost of living this way was I was sick, broke, and wasting my life away. I was extremely malnourished because I had no money and was living a life style of getting up in the morning and finding the next party.

Things I am grateful for: freedom, friends, my cabin, my life

Rat Race

"Time In: Do you, at times, feel part of the rate race? Looking at your life from the outside, what advice would you give yourself?" (from the book Happier)

I guess once in awhile I do feel like I am part of the rat race. But mostly, I feel like I am the creator of my own direction and goals. While the fast-paced world of today can at times be overwhelming, I make a conscious effort to not allow it to drive me. The advice I would give to myself would be to not lose sight of who I am, I can always do whatever I put my mind to, and that while dreams are attainable it is perfectly fine to have failures.

Things I am grateful for: my kids, my lover, my free spirit, my career, my health

Bumper Sticker:

Just the other day I realized that I have never owned a bumper sticker in my life. I thought it would be fun to post bumper stickers in my posts that either reflect who I am, how I'm feeling that day, or just to have fun. Here's my first one...

The Meaning of Happiness

"Time In: How would you define happiness? What does happiness mean to you?" (from the book Happier by Tal-Ben Shahar, Ph.D.)

When I first read these questions I thought, "Oh, that's pretty easy." After thinking about it for a few minutes I thought, "Hmmmm... maybe not." So I contemplated these two questions for a few days before coming up with my answers.

I think happiness is all-encompassing of all the good things in one's life, including inner peace and fulfillment. I believe happiness can be delivered in several emotions from a warm and fuzzy relaxed state to a feeling of excitement. I don't believe that any one person can be completely happy all the time because sad moments in life is inevitable. However, I do believe that a happier person can recover from these times quicker and at peace with these moments.

Can you learn to be happy?

I've been reading this book called Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. It's sort of a self-help book using the principles of positive psychology along with scientific studies and spiritual enlightenment. He gives you a basic set of principles you can apply to your daily life in order for one to feel more fulfilled and connected.

In the book, he includes what he calls "Time Ins" as opposed to "Time Outs" in which you stop and take time to reflect on what you read and to look inside yourself answering the questions or performing the exercises he provides. I'm going to use my blog as a way to log these Time Ins and add or reference them later.

I've arrived at my first Time In in the book which reads... "Reflect on a couple of personal experiences where reaching a certain milestone did not bring you the emotional payoff you expected." The lead-in to this exercise was a story about how he had desired to win the Israeli national squash championship and how he thought it would alleviate an emptiness he had felt. At first he was so happy and fulfilled that he had won the title but shortly thereafter was very down and his emptiness returned.

I could answer this in a few different ways. The first thing that comes to mind is that while I do have things that I look forward to that I think will make me happy, I don't think they will make me happy indefinitely. In other words, I know it is a temporary fulfillment and I don't have expectations that it will make me happy forever. Specifically as an example, when I was younger I would look forward to going to stay with my cousins at their house. I was so happy to be able to go and I would have a lot of fun. But when I had to go home I would feel so down. Now that I am older and more mature, the let downs I feel after a happy moment in my life doesn't seem to be as severe. However, I have thought about this particular subject on several occasions and I do know that instead of allowing my time leading up to my moment to be happy and exciting, I really need to savor in the moment more and allow myself to look back on these times and reminisce and savor it all over again. Another example and much more complex is what I happen to be going through at this time in my life. I have left a broken marriage and while I have the world in the palm of my hands, I feel so down and empty. Which is why I'm reading this book. :)