Happily Ever After? Fairytales Are For Children

It's been awhile since I've written in my blog and a lot has transpired in the past couple of weeks. After confronting my husband about the problems with our marriage, I had moved into our camper in the backyard. In an effort to save the marriage my husband has made a complete 180, including giving up drugs and partying and has significantly cut back on his drinking. He had one setback already and only time will tell if he has the strength to do it himself or if he will need help. I am proud of him for his efforts and I hope that even if we do not end up reconciling our differences that he continues the positive changes. I have decided that I will move back into the house this coming weekend. I still have concerns about our relationship because I don't believe in my heart that I will ever fall in love with him and we will always remain just friends. I have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I really don't have anything to lose. And after listening to him, neither does he. I plan to continue my relationship with my lover. Ironically, I feel it is one of the only things keeping me in my marriage. In my ideal world, I would live happily with my friend and lover. Whether that person is my husband, my lover, or someone truly meant for me it's just not doable at this point in my life. My children weighed heavily on my decision as well.