I have talked to a couple of my close friends about what I am going through right now. They have been very understanding and supportive of me and I appreciate that so much. I really don't know if I will chicken out. I hope I don't. But I wrote my husband a letter informing him that I am not happy, I'm not in love with him and I want to move on. I am so scared.
Here's my letter, his name removed...
I won’t be coming home tonight. I have a lot to think about, there’s a lot on my mind. I am really sad and I know you will be too. I think we are growing apart and are living our lives totally different than one another. I am not happy and haven’t been for awhile now. I am quite sure that you know this. A lot of this is my own fault. However, I’m so tired of the drinking every night, partying and drugs. You hang out with your friends more than you do me. You pay very little attention to me at all. When you’re not hanging out with your friends and drinking and partying you walk around the house like you are miserable and that makes me sad and angry. Most of the time it doesn’t even seem like you live here. I don’t know what else to say. I do love you, but I don’t feel like I’m in love with you or that you are in love with me. I know that this usually happens in marriages, but I can’t help but be selfish and want more. I just don’t know what to do about it. I honestly don’t think you will change being who you are and don’t expect you to. I have no idea how you feel about our relationship, I have always wondered. At times you don’t seem like you are happy and at other times you are fine. But I have had a broken heart for a long time and I don’t want to sit around hoping and waiting for things to change. I don’t know how this will end up, but I want you to be honest with me and tell me why you do the things you do, why do act like you are so miserable and unhappy and do you really think you and I are actually happy and will be together forever? Because quite honestly, I’m really not sure. And I have wondered that for a long time. I am so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. But I don’t want to be hurt either and I’m tired of feeling hurt and sad and lonely.
I want to leave this letter for him and maybe stay with a friend. I have been in this marriage for so long and I am so scared of what's going to happen. But I have to dig deep and be strong and know that I don't have to continue being unhappy.
Message to My Lover:
I want you to know that while I'm going through a lot, I don't want this decision of mine to affect you or the relationship we have. I am doing this for me. I wasn't happy in my marriage even before I met you and I know that you know that. And even though my situation may change, I don't expect anything different from you. I only want you to continue being a part of my life and be understanding and honest with me, and continue being my friend and lover. I want you to know that you have been so inspirational to me. It means so much to me to know that someone can be there for me and enjoy me as much as I enjoy them.
Showing posts with label miserable husand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miserable husand. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
My Husband, The Miserable Drama Queen
My husband and I pay our bills a little differently than most married people. We don't pool our money together and have one person take care of the finances. Instead, we each have our own obligations. My salary is almost twice that of his income, so I'm responsible for the mortgage, groceries, phone, cable, doctor bills, orthodontics, and the kids among other things. He pays for the vehicles and utilities. This seems to work out well for the most part because we don't fight about money.
So, my husband was sitting at the kitchen table and he says to me, "Oh, I couldn't sleep last night. I have no money and I have to pay bills." Then, he proceeds to say, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing." He says that a lot and it irritates me and makes me sad at the same time. So, I repeat it back questioningly, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing?" He replied, "Oh, you too?" I was not amused and just glared at him.
See my husband is a miserable soul. He walks around the house mumbling about how crappy his life is, etc. Minor things! Like the other day he complained, mumbling four times about how the bread I bought had nuts in it. I think they were sunflower seeds, it was like a 7 grain bread or something. My kids and I just look at each other puzzled and ignore him most of the time.
One thing I do have to say is that he actually does pay his bills on time and is responsible about them. I on the other hand wait until the last minute, but I don't dwell on them or sweat them. I always know that things will work out and I always take care of them. I wonder what he will complain about today?
Supplemental Post Update (10/15/07)
I was compelled to add this post update because I find it both sad and disturbing that 76% of my readers that use search engines to find their way to my blog end up at this entry from search terms such as "drama queen husband", "husband is miserable", "miserable husband", "my husband the drama queen", and "my husband is miserable to be around". Unfortunately, I do not have any advice for you, nor should I. After all, each situation as well as the reason you have landed here is going to be different. I personally chose the path of letting go and seeking independence. That may not be the right path for you. However, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you, the reader, to please leave a comment and tell us what is on your mind. It can be a heartfelt plea, a silly thing your husband said or did, whatever. You can leave your comment anonymously and I'm hoping you will find it therapeutic and maybe even brighten your day knowing that you are not alone.
So, my husband was sitting at the kitchen table and he says to me, "Oh, I couldn't sleep last night. I have no money and I have to pay bills." Then, he proceeds to say, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing." He says that a lot and it irritates me and makes me sad at the same time. So, I repeat it back questioningly, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing?" He replied, "Oh, you too?" I was not amused and just glared at him.
See my husband is a miserable soul. He walks around the house mumbling about how crappy his life is, etc. Minor things! Like the other day he complained, mumbling four times about how the bread I bought had nuts in it. I think they were sunflower seeds, it was like a 7 grain bread or something. My kids and I just look at each other puzzled and ignore him most of the time.
One thing I do have to say is that he actually does pay his bills on time and is responsible about them. I on the other hand wait until the last minute, but I don't dwell on them or sweat them. I always know that things will work out and I always take care of them. I wonder what he will complain about today?
Supplemental Post Update (10/15/07)
I was compelled to add this post update because I find it both sad and disturbing that 76% of my readers that use search engines to find their way to my blog end up at this entry from search terms such as "drama queen husband", "husband is miserable", "miserable husband", "my husband the drama queen", and "my husband is miserable to be around". Unfortunately, I do not have any advice for you, nor should I. After all, each situation as well as the reason you have landed here is going to be different. I personally chose the path of letting go and seeking independence. That may not be the right path for you. However, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you, the reader, to please leave a comment and tell us what is on your mind. It can be a heartfelt plea, a silly thing your husband said or did, whatever. You can leave your comment anonymously and I'm hoping you will find it therapeutic and maybe even brighten your day knowing that you are not alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
