I don't want to be at my house right now. There are a lot of people in my basement partying and drinking and acting stupid. I don't want to hang out with them. I like to have fun and everything, it's just that I can't relate to them. They act like they are still teenagers. A couple of my husband's friends brought over some very, very young girls. I'm sure they are nice girls, but it is very strange and awkward. I might go take a drive, or take a nap if they don't get too loud.
I'm having a hard time writing my life story. It's a combination of the unhappy memories and the fact that I have blocked out a lot of it. In order to continue, I'm going to have to dig deep and let go of a lot of things.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Story of My Life: New Parents
The first death I ever vaguely remember, was my aunt's, who had taken me and my cousin in and raised us since we were babies. I don't remember how I felt about her passing. I can only imagine if I understood what was happening that I would have been very sad. I do remember that she looked like an angel.
My uncle could not take care of two young children by himself and the family wanted to make sure we were taken care of. So it was decided that my uncle's youngest son and new wife, who could not have children because she was unable to conceive, would be the ones to take us in. We moved out into the country with them very shortly after my aunt's passing.
We lived in a meager trailer home for a few years with our new parents. We were adopted by them and were baptized when we were 5 years old. I don't remember a whole lot when I was this age. I think our family life was okay. My new parents started building a new two story house on their property and we moved into it.
My new mom was very strict and proper. We always had nice things, were taken care of and were expected to be good children. I remember having a very girly pink room and nice clothes and toys. My dad worked while my mom was a stay-at-home mom.
Then, when I was 8, my mom and dad weren't getting along. I found out later in life that my mom was cheating on my dad. This made sense to me because one time I remember my brother and I were outside in the cold waiting for the school bus. We waited for a very long time and the bus was not coming. We were so cold. We went to tell my mom that the bus wasn't coming and she told us to wait outside for it anyway. I don't remember if anyone was at the house with her, because I was really little. But it makes me wonder to this day. My mom and dad ended their marriage and got a divorce.
Then the custody battle began. We started out living with my dad for a little while. Then, when I was 10, the courts decided (not sure why) that my brother and I could choose who we wanted to live with. This was not necessarily a good decision. We were just little kids and were put right in the middle of a nasty battle. Both my mom and dad said bad things about each other and promised us things to try and sway us to live with them. In retrospect, I don't think either one of them were fit parents. My brother decided to stay with my dad and I went to live with my mom in Detroit.
I don't remember the circumstances, but we went to court another two times. The second time we went to court, my brother wanted to come live with me and my mom in Detroit. So custody was given to my mom for both of us. When we lived with my mom, things were pretty much the same as when we first lived with her. She took very good care of us, providing for us, and was still very strict. My brother usually got into a lot of trouble, where I rarely did.
Things took a turn for the worst when my mom met her new boyfriend. He was an older man who had a mean streak. I don't believe to this day that he actually liked kids. And he was even more strict than my mom. This was a very bad thing for my brother and affected me significantly as well. We hated this man.
My mom did not help the situation at all. She seemed to encourage his behavior and even began to get meaner than before. She used to hit my brother a lot. And with any item in reaching distance. When we got into trouble, for stupid things I might add, we would have to go outside in our backyard and find a switch (a branch that had fallen off our big tree) and bring it into the house to give to my mom's boyfriend. He would then take us downstairs to the basement and make us pull our pants down while he beat us with the switch. And, the next time we got into trouble we went through the ritual again and he would add to the number of times he hit us from before. He made us count out loud how many times he hit us with the switch. I was a terrified little girl and my brother became a very angry person from it.
I remember me and my brother at age 13 sitting on our front porch wishing the bastard would die and we talked about running away. We were scared little kids that didn't know how to get out of the situation.
We called and talked to my dad and told him we wanted to come back and live with him. We went to court again and custody was granted to my dad.
My uncle could not take care of two young children by himself and the family wanted to make sure we were taken care of. So it was decided that my uncle's youngest son and new wife, who could not have children because she was unable to conceive, would be the ones to take us in. We moved out into the country with them very shortly after my aunt's passing.
We lived in a meager trailer home for a few years with our new parents. We were adopted by them and were baptized when we were 5 years old. I don't remember a whole lot when I was this age. I think our family life was okay. My new parents started building a new two story house on their property and we moved into it.
My new mom was very strict and proper. We always had nice things, were taken care of and were expected to be good children. I remember having a very girly pink room and nice clothes and toys. My dad worked while my mom was a stay-at-home mom.
Then, when I was 8, my mom and dad weren't getting along. I found out later in life that my mom was cheating on my dad. This made sense to me because one time I remember my brother and I were outside in the cold waiting for the school bus. We waited for a very long time and the bus was not coming. We were so cold. We went to tell my mom that the bus wasn't coming and she told us to wait outside for it anyway. I don't remember if anyone was at the house with her, because I was really little. But it makes me wonder to this day. My mom and dad ended their marriage and got a divorce.
Then the custody battle began. We started out living with my dad for a little while. Then, when I was 10, the courts decided (not sure why) that my brother and I could choose who we wanted to live with. This was not necessarily a good decision. We were just little kids and were put right in the middle of a nasty battle. Both my mom and dad said bad things about each other and promised us things to try and sway us to live with them. In retrospect, I don't think either one of them were fit parents. My brother decided to stay with my dad and I went to live with my mom in Detroit.
I don't remember the circumstances, but we went to court another two times. The second time we went to court, my brother wanted to come live with me and my mom in Detroit. So custody was given to my mom for both of us. When we lived with my mom, things were pretty much the same as when we first lived with her. She took very good care of us, providing for us, and was still very strict. My brother usually got into a lot of trouble, where I rarely did.
Things took a turn for the worst when my mom met her new boyfriend. He was an older man who had a mean streak. I don't believe to this day that he actually liked kids. And he was even more strict than my mom. This was a very bad thing for my brother and affected me significantly as well. We hated this man.
My mom did not help the situation at all. She seemed to encourage his behavior and even began to get meaner than before. She used to hit my brother a lot. And with any item in reaching distance. When we got into trouble, for stupid things I might add, we would have to go outside in our backyard and find a switch (a branch that had fallen off our big tree) and bring it into the house to give to my mom's boyfriend. He would then take us downstairs to the basement and make us pull our pants down while he beat us with the switch. And, the next time we got into trouble we went through the ritual again and he would add to the number of times he hit us from before. He made us count out loud how many times he hit us with the switch. I was a terrified little girl and my brother became a very angry person from it.
I remember me and my brother at age 13 sitting on our front porch wishing the bastard would die and we talked about running away. We were scared little kids that didn't know how to get out of the situation.
We called and talked to my dad and told him we wanted to come back and live with him. We went to court again and custody was granted to my dad.
My Husband, The Miserable Drama Queen
My husband and I pay our bills a little differently than most married people. We don't pool our money together and have one person take care of the finances. Instead, we each have our own obligations. My salary is almost twice that of his income, so I'm responsible for the mortgage, groceries, phone, cable, doctor bills, orthodontics, and the kids among other things. He pays for the vehicles and utilities. This seems to work out well for the most part because we don't fight about money.
So, my husband was sitting at the kitchen table and he says to me, "Oh, I couldn't sleep last night. I have no money and I have to pay bills." Then, he proceeds to say, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing." He says that a lot and it irritates me and makes me sad at the same time. So, I repeat it back questioningly, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing?" He replied, "Oh, you too?" I was not amused and just glared at him.
See my husband is a miserable soul. He walks around the house mumbling about how crappy his life is, etc. Minor things! Like the other day he complained, mumbling four times about how the bread I bought had nuts in it. I think they were sunflower seeds, it was like a 7 grain bread or something. My kids and I just look at each other puzzled and ignore him most of the time.
One thing I do have to say is that he actually does pay his bills on time and is responsible about them. I on the other hand wait until the last minute, but I don't dwell on them or sweat them. I always know that things will work out and I always take care of them. I wonder what he will complain about today?
Supplemental Post Update (10/15/07)
I was compelled to add this post update because I find it both sad and disturbing that 76% of my readers that use search engines to find their way to my blog end up at this entry from search terms such as "drama queen husband", "husband is miserable", "miserable husband", "my husband the drama queen", and "my husband is miserable to be around". Unfortunately, I do not have any advice for you, nor should I. After all, each situation as well as the reason you have landed here is going to be different. I personally chose the path of letting go and seeking independence. That may not be the right path for you. However, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you, the reader, to please leave a comment and tell us what is on your mind. It can be a heartfelt plea, a silly thing your husband said or did, whatever. You can leave your comment anonymously and I'm hoping you will find it therapeutic and maybe even brighten your day knowing that you are not alone.
So, my husband was sitting at the kitchen table and he says to me, "Oh, I couldn't sleep last night. I have no money and I have to pay bills." Then, he proceeds to say, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing." He says that a lot and it irritates me and makes me sad at the same time. So, I repeat it back questioningly, "I have no beer, I have no pot, I have nothing?" He replied, "Oh, you too?" I was not amused and just glared at him.
See my husband is a miserable soul. He walks around the house mumbling about how crappy his life is, etc. Minor things! Like the other day he complained, mumbling four times about how the bread I bought had nuts in it. I think they were sunflower seeds, it was like a 7 grain bread or something. My kids and I just look at each other puzzled and ignore him most of the time.
One thing I do have to say is that he actually does pay his bills on time and is responsible about them. I on the other hand wait until the last minute, but I don't dwell on them or sweat them. I always know that things will work out and I always take care of them. I wonder what he will complain about today?
Supplemental Post Update (10/15/07)
I was compelled to add this post update because I find it both sad and disturbing that 76% of my readers that use search engines to find their way to my blog end up at this entry from search terms such as "drama queen husband", "husband is miserable", "miserable husband", "my husband the drama queen", and "my husband is miserable to be around". Unfortunately, I do not have any advice for you, nor should I. After all, each situation as well as the reason you have landed here is going to be different. I personally chose the path of letting go and seeking independence. That may not be the right path for you. However, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you, the reader, to please leave a comment and tell us what is on your mind. It can be a heartfelt plea, a silly thing your husband said or did, whatever. You can leave your comment anonymously and I'm hoping you will find it therapeutic and maybe even brighten your day knowing that you are not alone.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Story of My Life: The Beginning
I was born in Petoskey Hospital on January 23, 1971. A gorgeous baby girl, I'm sure. ; ) When I was a baby, my mom who was a single mother was not able to take care of me. My aunt and her husband took me in. My mom's younger sister also just had a baby, a boy, who went to live with my aunt as well. I'm not sure of the circumstances surrounding that situation. My mother however was unable to take care of me because she was in rehabilitation for drugs and alcohol and was a young mother. Apparently, when I was born I had an undeveloped lung.
Me and my new brother were raised by my aunt until I was three years old. Her and her husband were very good to us. Their kids were all older, moved out of the house and had their own families. Then one morning, while me and my brother were watching cartoons, my uncle came in the room and told us to go play outside. My aunt had passed away in her sleep. Apparently, she still had a book in her hands of a story she was reading to me the night before.
Me and my new brother were raised by my aunt until I was three years old. Her and her husband were very good to us. Their kids were all older, moved out of the house and had their own families. Then one morning, while me and my brother were watching cartoons, my uncle came in the room and told us to go play outside. My aunt had passed away in her sleep. Apparently, she still had a book in her hands of a story she was reading to me the night before.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Totally Random Ramblings
I can't find my story. I'll have to look for it later. Until then, I thought this would be fun...
I like my pizza loaded, no mushrooms, with olives (black or green). I prefer vanilla over chocolate. I'm a habitual channel surfer. I think lawn ornaments are ugly. My biggest pet peeve is bad drivers. Philanthropists are kick ass. I wish people would quit believing in political propaganda. I have a low tolerance to dumb people. If they know they're dumb and ask questions AND actually retain the information, that's okay. I'm addicted to DVDs, I have a huge collection (over 500 titles) and they're not copies. Keanu Reeves annoys the hell out of me. So does George W. I would love to see Greece. Other professions I considered or would like to have done include Crime Scene Investigator, Police Officer, Day Trader, Race Car Driver. The most money I ever won was a scratch off ticket that I found. I find money all the time.
Things I Like:
Quote of the Day: "It's better to fight for something than against something."
I like my pizza loaded, no mushrooms, with olives (black or green). I prefer vanilla over chocolate. I'm a habitual channel surfer. I think lawn ornaments are ugly. My biggest pet peeve is bad drivers. Philanthropists are kick ass. I wish people would quit believing in political propaganda. I have a low tolerance to dumb people. If they know they're dumb and ask questions AND actually retain the information, that's okay. I'm addicted to DVDs, I have a huge collection (over 500 titles) and they're not copies. Keanu Reeves annoys the hell out of me. So does George W. I would love to see Greece. Other professions I considered or would like to have done include Crime Scene Investigator, Police Officer, Day Trader, Race Car Driver. The most money I ever won was a scratch off ticket that I found. I find money all the time.
Things I Like:
- The color yellow. Although I'm partial to green at the moment.
- Steak, cookies, cheesecake, carrot cake, grilled pb&j's, water
- Music: Rock, Classic Rock, Alternative Rock/Grunge, Pop (in low doses)
- Favorite Bands: Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Our Lady Peace
- Favorite Songs: Fade into You - Mazzy Star, Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison, Life - Our Lady Peace, Black - Pearl Jam, Zephyr Song - Red Hot Chili Peppers, and at the moment... Grace Kelly - Mika
- Movies: Mystery Thrillers, Drama, Documentaries
- Favorite Actors/Actresses: Adrien Brody, Johnny Depp, Giovani Ribisi, Natalie Portman, Gwenyth Paltrow. And in case you didn't know this... Kate Hudson has a nice ass. Check it out some time.
- Favorite Movies: Shawshank Redemption, The Piano, Reservoir Dogs, Crash
- Watch movies and go to the movies.
- Listen to music.
- Go out to dinner with friends.
- Shopping, especially bargain shopping. Not much of a yard saler anymore though. But I love thrift shops.
- Take a scenic drive, travel.
- Anything new and fun!
Quote of the Day: "It's better to fight for something than against something."
More to Come
Okay, I should be working and I will be right after I get this entry in.
Last night before going to bed I chatted with my lover for over an hour. God I long for him to hold me and kiss me! He shared a lot with me and we decided to exchange links to our blogs. It means a lot to me that he is willing to let me see inside of him and share his deepest thoughts and feelings, turmoils and triumphs. I can't wait to learn more about him.
He has inspired me to write more in my blog. I think I know where I will start. I wrote a story when I was in high school about my life and who I was at that time. I think I will retype it tonight and add it to my next post. That would be a very good place to start.
Thought for the day: I would like to become more observant. Let's SEE... how could I go about doing that? LOL
Last night before going to bed I chatted with my lover for over an hour. God I long for him to hold me and kiss me! He shared a lot with me and we decided to exchange links to our blogs. It means a lot to me that he is willing to let me see inside of him and share his deepest thoughts and feelings, turmoils and triumphs. I can't wait to learn more about him.
He has inspired me to write more in my blog. I think I know where I will start. I wrote a story when I was in high school about my life and who I was at that time. I think I will retype it tonight and add it to my next post. That would be a very good place to start.
Thought for the day: I would like to become more observant. Let's SEE... how could I go about doing that? LOL
Are you kidding me?
My husband must be losing brain cells, seriously. I woke up this morning and he was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. He said, "this lady really pissed me off." and he had a paper in his hand. I asked him what he was talking about. Then I noticed he had his Visa bill in his hand.
About a month earlier he mentioned that he was getting nowhere on paying down his Visa bill. (That's what happens when you only send the minimum.) He decided to borrow money from his 401k. Not sure if this was a good idea or not, but his balance on his Visa was pushing $6300 and the interest rate was ridiculous. After about a week he received the money to pay off the credit card and sent the money.
Apparently, he called Visa and the automated system told him he owed $6100 and some change, so that's what he sent. He said that he told the customer service rep that that's what the system told him and that's what he paid. He's one of those people that when the call they are instantly mad. I don't believe that's how you get your point across. I know, I've gotten my way with companies several times by just being nice and explaining the problem.
So, I asked him if he would like me to call them. He said yes. I asked him if he had written down the date that he called and what they said, who he talked to? He said he only had the amount of the check he sent and the date he sent it. He said he called them the day before. Okay, here's where it gets good. I then asked him if he had his last statement. He looked through his files and gave it to me. It said he owed $6250 and some change. At this point I'm thinking, "what the hell, are you kidding me?". If my statement balance said something different than the automated system from the company, I think I would have talked directly with customer service. I took all the information from him and told him, "Um, I don't think I'm going to win on this one."
About a month earlier he mentioned that he was getting nowhere on paying down his Visa bill. (That's what happens when you only send the minimum.) He decided to borrow money from his 401k. Not sure if this was a good idea or not, but his balance on his Visa was pushing $6300 and the interest rate was ridiculous. After about a week he received the money to pay off the credit card and sent the money.
Apparently, he called Visa and the automated system told him he owed $6100 and some change, so that's what he sent. He said that he told the customer service rep that that's what the system told him and that's what he paid. He's one of those people that when the call they are instantly mad. I don't believe that's how you get your point across. I know, I've gotten my way with companies several times by just being nice and explaining the problem.
So, I asked him if he would like me to call them. He said yes. I asked him if he had written down the date that he called and what they said, who he talked to? He said he only had the amount of the check he sent and the date he sent it. He said he called them the day before. Okay, here's where it gets good. I then asked him if he had his last statement. He looked through his files and gave it to me. It said he owed $6250 and some change. At this point I'm thinking, "what the hell, are you kidding me?". If my statement balance said something different than the automated system from the company, I think I would have talked directly with customer service. I took all the information from him and told him, "Um, I don't think I'm going to win on this one."
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